Surviving the Holidays

It's 08.37 on a Sunday and I've been awake for 2 hours. I thought I might take advantage of the fact that the kids are playing/watching TV nicely and write a blog, because I haven't managed or been inclined to write one recently, but have suddenly had the urge. Unfortunately, I have already been interrupted 3 times by my 4 year old, to help her draw leaves on her picture. She's still talking at me too, which makes it very difficult to concentrate.

It has been the school holidays for 4 weeks (sorry, I have to go and draw more leaves........)

Right, yes, school holidays. We have been keeping as busy as possible in order to maintain sanity. We were fortunate enough to have 2 weeks away with my family, which were more or less successful, apart from the amount of arguments and stress during almost every car journey. Apparently, children don't understa.... (the grass looks stupid, I have to draw grass and leaves on a fresh piece of paper, hold on....)

...Children don't understand waiting in queues, or that there's nothing Mummy and Daddy can do about the queues at Eurotunnel, or that it's not our fault that the car park at the aquarium is rammed and full of cars not moving because they're waiting for a space, which means we can neither park, nor leave the car park. They seem to believe that screaming and arguing will somehow improve these situations, and despite best efforts, singing and 'I spy' are not enough to quell their energy. Biscuits work, but only until they run out (why did I not pack more sodding biscuits?!). Of course, the stress would have been more manageable, if the husband and I had managed to remain calm in the face of it all, but his response to yelling children is usually to yell louder, which leads to a basic cacophony of noise, all inside a small metal box, which brings Mummy to the point of insanity and lots of 'we're never leaving the fucking house again, not with all 3 of them' claims. Because, of course, yelling at upset children, tends to just make them cry louder or yell even more, or leads to all 3 of them being upset, rather than just 1 or 2.... (now having a chat about which way the 'flick' on a 'Y' should go)....... As parents, we all understand that usually, the best way to deal with a child's chaos is to meet it with calm, to try and talk through it, to rationalise (as far as is possible) and to not throw our own chaos into the mix. In an ideal world, hubby and I would have nipped all tantrums in the bud, and nothing would have escalated to the screaming box of hell on wheels that it did. (now chatting about when we're going to Ava's house and stopping an argument between the big 2, who are trying to talk at the same time). We would have laughed with each other, ignored what we couldn't prevent, and distracted our children from their meltdowns (have been requested to make a paper aeroplane).......

..... but in reality, in that moment, the moment of pure rage and frustration at the stupid bloody Audi driver in front of you, when you've been in the car for 45 minutes already and the kids bickering is turning into full-on meltdown, when you just want someone, somewhere, to give you a parking space so you can get out of the car and actually breath, in that moment, all control and thought for correct parenting procedures leaves your body and you just shout. Why can't they just be quiet? I don't want to be stuck in the car either. No, I can't just 'go' because there's a bloody stupid bastard Audi in front of me and he's waiting for a space. No, I don't have any more biscuits. Freya, stop poking your sister. Anya, please just stop whinging. Edie, where did your dummy go? Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!! And then, you start arguing with your other half, because he's swearing too much, or yelling too loudly, or getting even more frustrated at the other drivers around him..... (got to make Freya a paper aeroplane now)

... at some point, though, either because you actually start moving or because the children fall asleep or you  just give-up caring and allow yourself to smile through the chaos, it usually gets better. Hopefully this occurs before you get out of the car and abandon your whole family in favour of a walk along the beach by yourself and a cup of tea somewhere, all alone (not that I thought about it much, honestly!). You all calm down, you reconcile, you get where you were going (or go somewhere else), and you might actually enjoy yourself.

Aside from the travelling chaos, though, holiday was a lovely time. The kids loved having their cousins to play with, and I enjoyed having lots of grown-ups and older children to help look after the little ones. We discovered that all 3 of the children just LOVE the beach, and Freya learnt to ride a bike without stabilisers. Edie has learnt to say loads of new words, including everyone's names, and is a right little chatterbox now (sigh... making a crown, this could take a while).

I think the only other thing that hubby and I missed, was time to ourselves, and time with each other. It's hard when you're sharing a house with other people, even people you get on well with. We had Edie sleeping in our bedroom, so we couldn't spend evenings alone in our room chatting and unwinding, and when communal areas are always full of other (very lovely) people, it's hard to talk honestly with each other and can be awkward to show affection. And as far as anything physical goes, well, there's something about a toddler rolling over and snoring or threatening to wake up that is rather off-putting! We have talked since we got back and realise that we lacked time together, but also sort of accept that there wasn't much we could have done about it. We have reminisced about holidays before children, when we would go for a 'lie down' in the afternoon, or just enjoy time sitting and chatting by ourselves. They were great times, but our family wasn't complete with just the two of us. Holidays with children (especially young children) are not relaxing, but they are nonetheless enjoyable. Tony and I have spent a lot of quality time together since being home, we even went out for dinner last night! Get us!! :-)

So, we are home now, and have been for a week. I have been making efforts to organise play-dates and day trips and activities, just so that we are out of the house at least once a day, even if just for an hour. I find the enemy of good school holidays is staying at home and trying to have a 'quiet' day. I am knackered, but the kids are happy(ish) and I think we have so far managed to avoid some arguments. Plus I'm not quite as close to insanity as I could be, which is a plus! 

(It's 09.36 now, and I have to go and have a shower and get dressed, or we'll never make it to church on time. We haven't been for weeks and I'm starting to feel guilty, I guess I'll finish this later!)

Right, now it's 19.41 and the kids are in bed, so I can finish this!

It's not that trips out of the house, even to the park, are without their challenges. There's always at least one meltdown a day (I'm looking at you, Anya), and these usually occur when you're just on your way out. And that's after all of the 'I need a wee', 'I need a poo', 'I can't find my shoes', 'I don't want to wear a hat', 'can I ride my bike?'. Plus sun cream, packing a bag, changing nappies, making a picnic etc. Even a simple 'day out' can take longer to prepare for than it actually lasts once you get there. But these breaks from the house, these times out, and the happiness that comes from telling the children that you are going somewhere (and the associated bribery potential i.e. 'if you don't go to sleep now, we're not going to the cinema in the morning'), make it all worth it. Even if you have to put up with tantrums and screaming and meltdowns about the wrong jumper in order to actually get there, 9 times out of 10 it is worth it, because you all have a good time and there's usually less fighting than there would have been if you'd have stayed at home. Plus you get to earn 'mum points' by being fun and feel smug as you post those carefully selected photos on Facebook (#myworld)

#myworld

So, with 2 weeks to go, I don't feel bad in admitting that I have not loved every minute of having my little darlings at home, but I haven't hated it either. There have been days when I have wanted to tear my own ears off, just to get away from the incessant whining, but there have also been some quality times spent enjoying my children's company. Plus, not having to get out of the house by 8.30am every morning has been amazing, and I think September will come as a bit of a shock to the system. I guess I just have to keep trying to make the most of it, and reminding myself that they won't be this age forever (thank the Lord!), and that the holidays won't last much longer. In the meantime, I'm going to keep distracting them from their will to kill each other by arranging days out and craft activities (as long as they're not super-messy activities, nobody has time for that shit, right?!).

I hope all my fellow Mummies and Daddies are surviving and, perhaps, even enjoying their school holidays.... not long to go now! ;-)