The unobtainable ideal of parenting (according to Cbeebies)

Hands up everyone who's kids watch far too much TV?! I mean, to be fair, that's too much TV according to people who probably don't have kids, or have far more patience than me or something. Anyway, my kids watch a fair amount of Cbeebies (and also Milkshake on Channel 5 before school), I love that my 18 month old will now happily sit in front of an episode or 2 (or 6) of Twirlywoos, while I make dinner or type something up for playschool or some such. But, apart from the usual parent complaints of many of the shows being utter dross (what the actual f*ck is Teacup Travels and why am I forced to have it on my TV?!), I have also noticed that many of them share something that could (if I let it) reinforce any negative thoughts I have about my parenting ability, and it's this: they all have parents that are always calm, understanding, forgiving and unquestionably wonderful.

Topsy and Tim? Well, their parents are well spoken, never yell, explain everything sensibly and always have time for colouring in their own wrapping paper, or making a costume for a party or something.
Peter Rabbit? Now, his mum is a funny one; she regularly tells him not to do something, that he then does, and she says 'thank you for getting the radishes' and says he's so like his father. Am I mistaken, or wasn't his father turned into a pie by Mr McGregor? Why in the hell would she want him to be like that? I'd have grounded that stupid, disobedient little git years ago.

And don't get me started on how Flop never calls Bing an idiot or says 'I bloody well told you so', when Bing pops his balloon or breaks his 'eggy head'. And that time Bing broke Flops mobile phone? What parent alive wouldn't have raised their voice, even if it was an honest accident? Not Flop though, he just sits there and says 'oh dear'. You know what? It IS a big thing Bing. It chuffing well is. (As an aside, I'm not entirely sure what the relationship is between Bing and Flop. Is he like, his carer? Is Bing some sort of foster child? Why are all the children being raised by small knitted characters anyway? Is this some sort of world where people get smaller as they get older, or have the small characters somehow stolen the children in order to raise them into their cult or something? It's very morally ambiguous, if yo
u ask me). I guess at least Bing behaves like a fairly normal child, peeing himself and arguing with his friends and stuff, not like the aforementioned Topsy and Tim, who seem to be unrealistically well behaved, maybe that's why their parents never have to yell? Who knows.

What's really tragic is that I increasingly find myself saying 'be more like Flop, stay calm' - I'm thinking about actually getting a 'What Would Flop Do' bracelet made to help me to stay calm and reasonable in my every day life. Because, if we're honest, we all shout sometimes. We all lose our temper, sometimes without much justification, because we are all human. No matter how much you love your children, or how much you are certain they are the centre of your world, sometimes, they're just little gits. They get on your nerves, they push you to your limit and you snap sometimes. And that's OK. I mean, if you do nothing BUT yell, then you might need some anger management or something, but generally speaking yelling is perfectly normal, trust me.  I bet when the camera's aren't rolling on the set of Peppa Pig*, Mummy and Daddy Pig are having a conversation about how much of a bratty cow-bag Peppa has been today, and asking why George is being such a whingey scrote. I like to think that Mummy Pig is looking forward to a night out with Miss Rabbit and Mummy Sheep, where they'll drink wine and complain about their partners and kids and ask advice on how to make their children less douchey.

The important thing to remember is, no matter if they're sometimes the only adult interaction you get in a day or a week, Cbeebies parents aren't real. If they were, they'd probably be a lot more yelly and sweary, and I'd probably like them a whole lot more!


*I am aware that Peppa Pig is not on Cbeebies, but that show has a lot to answer for too, how no one has ever called Peppa out on being the biggest know-it-all around, or told her to stop being an insufferably spoilt little shit, is beyond me.